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Sermon Notes & Cell
Group Application Questions
28th June 2009
Terri Skinner
Relationships
Ephesians 5:21 - 6: 9
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Cell
Group Application Questions
1. Do you see any difference in the
roles of man and woman in home, church and workplace? If so what?
2. What
challenges are there for you in this passage?
3. If the apostle Paul came along to
your cell group, what question would you like to ask him? How do others think he would answer?
4. What relationships for you are
life-giving and help you to thrive as a person? Are there any relationships that you find
tend to crush or smother you (This might be too painful to answer in the
group)?
5. What
does this passage tell us about God – Father, Son and Holy Spirit?
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Eph. 5.21 – 6.9
*Motyer: Paul urges the Ephesian church to be at
one, and to be:
- A place where relationships are
transformed by God’s grace and peace
- A place of strength for spiritual
warfare
- A place where wholeness of living is
vibrantly expressed
Last week Keith M talked about how we are called to be
distinctive as Christians in the way we live our lives – instead of being
caught up in the individualistic, pleasure-seeking and materialistic traits
that tend to mark society today – to be a community of believers who live our
lives with integrity, and purity, kindness and compassion.
Today’s sermon is part 2 of last week (all of Ephesians
designed to be read as a whole). V18-23
all one sentence in the original Greek!
(Paul’s use of Greek grammar?! – but shows it is all linked in his
mind). All that follows is linked to
the instruction to be filled with the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is the life-blood of all we
do and are as Christians and as Church.
Paul continues to give instructions for Christian
behaviour in the world. In particular
Paul hones in on the Christian household and shows how Christian faith should
effect the way we live together and relate together in our homes. Faith is about the whole of life – not just
a small compartment that we open up for a couple of hours on a Sunday
morning. Faith transforms the whole of
life. Our witness to others happens in
the whole of our lives – probably especially what people see of our family
relationships!
Adrian Plass - The real problem:
Sunday is a funny
day,
It starts with lots
of noise.
Mummy rushes round
with socks,
And Daddy shouts,
“You boys!”
Then Mummy says,
“Now don’t blame them,
You know you’re just
as bad,
You’ve only just got
out of bed,
It makes me really
mad!”
My mummy is a
Christian,
My daddy is as well,
My mummy says “Oh,
heavens!”
My daddy says “Oh
hell!”
And when we get to
church at last,
It’s really very
strange,
Cos Mum and Dad stop
arguing,
And suddenly they
change.
At church my mum and
dad are friends,
They get on very
well,
But no-one knows
they’ve had a row,
And I’m not going to
tell.
People often come to
see them,
Because they seem so
nice,
And Mum and Dad are
very pleased
To give them some
advice.
They tell them
Christian freedom
Is worth an awful
lot,
But I don’t know
what freedom means,
If freedom’s what
they’ve got.
Daddy loves the
meetings,
He’s always at them
all,
He’s learning how to
understand
The letters of St Paul.
But Mummy says, “I’m
stuck at home
To lead my Christian
life,
It’s just as well
for blinkin’ Paul
He didn’t have a
wife.
I once heard my
mummy say
She’d walk out of
his life,
I once heard Daddy
say to her
He’d picked a rotten
wife.
They really love
each other,
I really think they
do.
I think the people
in the church
Would help them – if
they knew.
Paul addresses households.
What we mean by “household” is not necessarily exactly the same as
when Paul was writing: Many different
household structures today: Single person, single parent, married couple with
or without children, cohabiting couple with or without children, homosexual
couple – with or without children, group of friends sharing accommodation
together, more formal community, residential homes, extended family. Hard to say what is normal anymore –
married couple with 2.4 children???
*Charnwood 2001
Census: (60,400 households):
Married couple with
children – nearly 27% of households
Married couple – no
children – nearly 15% of households
Single person
households – 26.5% households (almost half are pensioner households)
Cohabiting couples
with or without children – over 8% of households
Lone parent
households – nearly 8% of households
Other households –
nearly 6% - includes extended families, students, communities, residential
homes….
In Paul’s time:
- Extended
family more common, single person households very rare.
- Slaves
common – 1/3 pop of Greece and Italy were slaves. Virtually all households had slaves
living as part of the family – some holding positions of considerable
responsibility. They had no legal
rights so were very vulnerable if their masters ill-treated them. Slave considered a possession. Generally fairly well treated. Many enjoyed better living conditions
than free people – so many people would sell themselves into slavery. Alternative might be to be jobless,
penniless and homeless (v. different to the image of forced labour, men
in chains and ill-treated.) Paul
neither condones nor condemns the practice here but he addresses the
situation as it was in that time and shows how it might be transformed
in a God-honouring way within the Christian household.
- Man
as ruler or monarch of his household – in a male-dominated society. Women were considered inferior and
expected to obey their husbands.
Again we will see that Paul speaks into this situation as it was
and shows how it can and should be transformed as people are transformed
by the Holy Spirit.
- Churches
were often meeting in homes so the household living in that home would
be a particularly key element of that church. This was the beginning of cell
church. Most church gatherings
would be in a home – maybe even daily breaking bread together (cf Acts
2.44ff) but also sometimes they would meet as a larger group. This would mean that the way the
members of the household conducted themselves would impact on and be
apparent to the church as a whole.
Paul is speaking into a specific situation and showing
what it means to live a Spirit-filled Christian life within that
situation. We need to work at hearing
what his words might mean for our own quite different culture. It is very easy to misread Scripture to
suit our own ends. It would be a misuse
of Scripture to use this passage to justify slavery (even though Paul does
not overtly condemn the practise) – and equally a misuse of the passage to
justify male domination or supremacy.
What does Paul challenge here – in what ways is he being
radical and looking for transformation?:
- Male
domination – Paul transforms the assumption that men should rule and
dominate into an instruction that they should – love their wives and give themselves up for them. Paul talks about headship and in
our culture we immediately think in terms of having authority over, of
having the greater importance, maybe even of being the decision maker
while other parts of the body merely obey instructions. However that is not what Paul has in
mind here. We would be much
better to think of headship in terms of responsibility – so in v29 the
husband is to feed and care for his wife as Christ does for the church.
This is not about man as ruler it is about man as carer.
- Female
subordination – “The Message”
v25ff: Husbands go all out in
your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church – a love
marked by giving, not getting.
Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is
designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white
silk, radiant with holiness. And
that is how husbands ought to love their wives. Women were used to being put down
and thought of as inferior.
Family life should bring out the best in each of its members. Prayer
in wedding service: “may they
bring comfort and confidence to each other.” Submission is not the same as
subordination, wives are not called to be under the authority of their husbands.
How does this work out in my marriage – submission to us
is about functioning as a couple – about neither of us making major decisions
without fully talking it over with the other and considering the needs of
both. When Paul talks in v30 about a
husband being united with his wife, and the two will become one flesh – this
means so much more than just a sexual relationship. Husband and wife become a unit in which
each can grow and thrive. Marriage is
not an authority structure. Wedding
vows – language of obedience not really appropriate between man and wife!
- Place
of children – also considered of low regard in that society but here
Paul considers them worthy of being addressed in their own right. Yes should obey their parents, parents
to discipline and teach responsibly – no exasperation! Children need to be brought up well in
a way that enables them to thrive and do well in society as well as
people who are given a good foundation in the Christian faith. For Paul and for us children are valued
members of the church here and now – they are part of the church now not
just the future of the church.
God is for them, the church is for them, the Spirit-filled life
is for them. By the way Paul
addresses children he draws them in to church, he does not shut them
out.
- Treatment
of slaves – also worthy of being addressed and being treated as a
brother in the Lord. It would not
necessarily be the best option for them to leave their position in the
household but Paul does point to how the relationship should change –
both master and slave (in fact those terms are no longer appropriate) are
now to treat each other as Christian brothers and to give each other
mutual respect. Letter to
Philemon written by Paul to encourage Philemon to take back a former slave
of his – Onesimus – both Philemon and Onesimus are now Christians and
Paul urges him to take Onesimus back – no longer as a slave, but better than a slave, as a dear brother
(Philemon V16)
Paul encourages:
- Mutual
submission – life is not about “me first” but about commitment to the
household and to church as a whole.
- Within
household and within church all should treat each other well and with
dignity as equal members of God’s family – that each may thrive
- Unity
and faithfulness
What would Paul say to today’s culture?
- Challenge
break up of families – where-ever
possible stick together, work
at the relationship, don’t give up on it until all else has failed. If it is all going horribly wrong
seek help
- Challenge
materialism – puts a lot of stress on relationships - with problems of
busyness, debt, injustice, environmental damage etc. Economic system sometimes makes slaves
of people in other parts of the world.
- Challenge
drift away from God and church – be
filled with the Holy Spirit. Intertwined
through the whole passage is the relationship of Christ with the church.
- Challenge
any domination (male or female) where it still exists – whether in the
home, in church or in the workplace.
- Challenge
all forms of abuse – household and church should be safe places for all
their members – especially the most vulnerable
*A godly, Spirit-filled and transformed household is/should
be:
- Full
of love and respect
- Safe
and wholesome place for the nurture of children – who will be well
disciplined, cared for, taught, encouraged and valued
- Marriage
relationship is held in high regard – those whom God has joined together let no-one put asunder.
- Has
unity and cohesiveness and strength
- Reflects
the sacrificial love and character of God
- Brings
out the best in its members.
- Serves
God and is part of the Body of Christ – we are all part of a wider
family – especially important for single person households. This is not all about marriage –
singleness is also valued by Paul (1 Cor 7.32-35). We think Paul was single himself.
- All
the above also applies to the church – through passage Paul interweaves
the love of God for his church – the Bride of Christ! The love of God is very evident in
this passage. Jesus loves us so
much that he gave his life for us.
His Spirit is available to us to transform our relationships and
our families. God wants the very
best for us.
Sometimes things do go badly wrong even in relationships
between Christians. No-one is perfect
and sadly even Christians sometimes can turn into abusers. It will not always be right to stay in a
relationship especially if it has become abusive and destructive. But, if we let him, we do have the
transforming power and presence of God available to us. Sometimes we may need the support and
prayer of others. The good news is
that God cares and wants the best for each of us.
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